According to the Search Institute's research, challenging growth means focusing "on the ways people seek to bring out the best in each other... challenging growth is most effective when the relationships is also built on a foundation of care and when young people are being challenged to get better in areas where they have goals they are working towards." In our class we drew attention to that last bit: "challenged to get better in areas where they have goals they are working towards." Oftentimes we can get distracted by perception, competition, or drivers for success that we can push our children towards our goals for them. Maybe we feel they should be reading already or potty trained already or sitting still already. Take some time to observe your child and see where they are directing their own learning. Perhaps you see your baby starting to point or rock, or maybe you see your child drawing a lot or playing make believe. Once you start to notice your child's interests, you will start to see how your child directs their own development. Only then can you start to find ways to challenge them appropriately. To learn more about challenging growth, look here and watch the short video. What Can YOU Do?In class, you created your "I Can" statements which are now hanging in the hallway. Feel free to walk by those and take a look for inspiration and ideas. The Search Institute's research promoted these actionable statements:
At HomeThe researchers at the Search Institute drew attention to what they call "The Challenge Zone." According to them, this is where "It's just hard enough where it's beyond what they can naturally, easily do but not so hard that it's beyond what's possible for them."
With your partner, talk about your child's self-initiated interests. Where do you see your child putting a lot of their time and effort? Now, where can you parent in within the challenge zone? How can you encourage them in a way that is developmentally appropriate while still being difficult?
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Welcome to PLC! PLC stands for Professional Learning Communities. Myself and the other ECFE/Family School team members have joined together to create a wonderful month learning about strong, developmental relationships. This research is based on the Developmental Relationships framework, which was work done in 2017 by the Search Institute in Minneapolis. This comprehensive research surveyed over 1500 families, from various makeups and backgrounds, in the United States to learn more about what makes for strong families and healthy developmental relationships. This type of relationship often results in:
Relationships are a 2-way StreetIn our discussion, we noted that relationships require 2 people. We start to feel exhausted, stressed, and underappreciated when relationships are heavily weighted towards one member of the family. We created a list of responsibilities for both the parent and child: PARENT:
Relationships aren't all that MattersAccording to the Search Institute's research, "The framework seeks to articulate broad areas of relationships and relational practices that may be expressed in many different ways based on individual, community, cultural, and other differences. The framework gives a starting point for exploring how we might be more intentional in reflecting on and strengthening relationships without assuming that all relationships can or should be the same." In our discussion, we worked to understand how our world has an impact on our relationships with our children through the lens of culture, community, and circumstance. Some of the ideas we came up with were: CULTURE
Express CareAccording to the Search Institute, “Young people do best when they experience strong, positive relationships in all parts of their lives… The search institute has identified five elements - expressed in 20 specific actions - that make relationships powerful in young people’s lives” The first of these elements is expressing care. In other words, show me that I matter to you. If you are interested in learning more about expressing care, watch the short video located here. What Can YOU Do?For our work on the developmental relationships framework, we are coming up with "I Can" statements each week that relate to each of the elements. "I Can" statements are intended to empower you with action. Each week, your "I Can" statements are posted in the hallway to remind you and inspire you with practical ideas. Here are some ideas from the Search Institute's findings:
At HomeThink about which of those aforementioned statements are easiest for you. How come? Which one is hardest for you? Why is that?
For example, maybe it's very easy for you to be dependable. You might show that by being reliable transportation, following through on your actions, doing your best to keep your child safe. However, maybe it's difficult for you to really pay attention when you're with your child. Maybe you are with your child most days so you find yourself giving 50% 24/7 rather than 100% some of the time. Or maybe you are very busy with work that you always have your phone nearby for emails and calls. How can you celebrate your successes? How can you challenge yourself to grow? Since P spends Tuesday through Thursday in preschool, today was our Valentine preparation day! I wanted to send some inspiration your way for some heartfelt fun (no pun intended).
Happy Valentines Day!Each morning, Penny wakes up before the sun. Like very early. Before Flora came along, it wasn't much of an issue as I typically like to get my day started early too. However, now that I'm up sporadically with the baby at night, getting as much sleep as possible is a top priority. Penny understands this conceptually; however, the practice of letting mom sleep has had a rocky implementation period. The main reason: Penny wants breakfast. So we go through this dance of I want breakfast! You need to wait until 7:30. I'm hungry now. You need to wait until 7:30. I already went downstairs and dug peanutbutter out of the jar with my hands. You cannot do that. This morning, after the worst night of sleep I've had yet with Flora, I wake up to Penny outside my door at 6:30am repeatedly saying in a loud singsongy voice I want breakfast. I need a snack. I want breakfast. I need a snack. I nearly lost it.I took a deep breath, and I came out of the room. I said, as I've said multiple times before, you need to wait until 7:30. She says no. The Value in Staying Calm.During our discussion on discipline the other week, the idea of managing our emotions came up multiple times. Sometimes it feels like our emotions are so intertwined with our children's. When they get mad, we get more mad. When they are sad, we feel deeply for them. This makes for a less than pleasant scenario and leaves all members feeling out of control. We know that children learn by observation, which is why we often come back to the idea that we must model appropriate behavior. When we lose it, not only are we reinforcing a behavior by giving an emotional response, but we are also modeling that exact same reaction. Do as I say not as I do does not work.So what does work?
"I hope you still love me. I am sorry if I made you mad. Write back."After nearly losing it this morning with Penny, I told her exactly what would happen if she did not go quietly into her room. I said very calmly but with a very serious look and tone: I was up all night with Flora. I am tired so if you do not go into your room, I will pick you up, set you in your room, and I will probably yell very loudly at you. OK. I explained how close I am to losing control before losing control. I'm flexing my executive function skills here. Something we want our kids to have. Something we need to model. Reconnection.Something I am working on in my relationship with Penny is how not to drag my feelings throughout the day. Our day clearly got off to a rough start. That shouldn't set the tone. It can be an isolated incident. But, I struggle with that.
When I got out of bed this morning, Penny ran up to me and handed me a very thoughtful card. She clearly reflected on the incident (the recreation of me mad at her on the right), processed the emotional responses, and found a way to express herself in return. I didn't want to just say sorry so I made you this card. See? I added a rainbow heart. These are the things I am trying to teach. In return, she is teaching me how to move forward with resolve and love. In the last post, we talked about daily schedules. It can be really helpful to have a flexible yet reliable routine in place. This ensures you have adequate mealtimes, guaranteed peace, and are working towards important childhood staples like independent play and outdoor time. Today, I want to show you what I use to help guide the day. While my family knows the routine, it is really helpful to talk through the upcoming pieces anyway. It reminds everyone of the expectations. It is also your backup when your kids come and say they're bored. Now you have something more tangible than simply your word. It's Time ForHow It WorksI have cut out images that represent different portions of our day from driving to an outing to going to the restroom. All but 3 of these sit in a baggy clipped onto the back of the frame (notice the chip clip on top of the frame). Typically, at mealtimes, we sit together and talk through the 3 things that we will be doing next. In this case, I would say: "right now we are eating. Next you will wash up your dishes and yourselves. Then you will have playtime." Sometimes the kids like to know what's coming after that, but I find that 3 is most graspable. The BenefitsMany people can relate that transitions can be hard for kids, and therefore hard for the parents. Perhaps your kid complains about going outside each day or maybe it's hard getting out the door to your activities or errands. Having a tangible piece to talk about and refer to helps kids prepare for what's next. We see picture charts in day cares, preschools, and special education classrooms because we know that it works. How to Make Your OwnYou will need:
How to:
Does anyone else have any great tips or tricks for transitions they use? If so, feel free to comment or share! We all benefit from your knowledge. Please note that this post contains affiliate links and any sales made through such links will reward me a small commission - at no cost for you. For more information, click here.
Having a daily routine and general predictability can be great for kids and for parents. It provides boundaries ("we are not eating until snack time at 3:00"), certain peace ("It is quiet rest time in your room. I will see you at 2:45 when your alarm goes off"), and guaranteed time for togetherness. This schedule has worked very well for us for the past 2 years. Sometimes we stray when we're sick, traveling, or have a big family day planned; however, it always comes back to this. Everyone is happier. Here's a little deeper look at how we fill that time and what the expectations are. BreakfastWhen we consistently feed our bodies at a certain time in the morning, our bodies generally adjust so we wake up near that time. If you have an early riser, and you always give them breakfast at 5 when they wake up, their bodies will continue to wake up for breakfast at that time. Schedule breakfast for a time that is convenient for everyone so think about work/daycare/commitments and shoot for some general consistency (+ or - half an hour). Morning Activity & Afternoon CraftThe night before, I will plan and lay out an activity. Sometimes I do it too; other times no. Some ideas for activities are:
Play or OutingPlay time means INDEPENDENT PLAY TIME. Sometimes we'll have a friend over for playtime. Sometimes I'll set up a play scene to get things rolling, but this is a time to be a part from one another. It is a time that I do things around the house or get some work done while she can explore her toys, play with art supplies, read books, listen to audible stories, or be with her own boredom. I try to make this a YES time (so long as it doesn't require me). Check out the post on sparking independent play if you're looking for help with this time. An outing means we will go adventure somewhere cool like an indoor playground or the beach (check out the Twin Cities tab for more ideas), or we're going to a class or program like swim or music lessons, or it might mean we're running errands. If I am going to sign P up for lessons or classes, I really aim for it to fit into this window or the evening play window if possible. Outdoor TimeIt is so important to get kids outside every day, regardless of weather. If you have it built into your schedule, it will help you better meet that goal.
SnackWhen you have snack at one set time of the day, you can get away from the habit of mini snacks throughout the day. When your child says "I'm hungry!" you can respond with when the next meal is with confidence because no child will starve between lunch and snack time. Snacks are usually things like:
Reading & RestThis is a time of intimate togetherness. Plan to give your entire attention to your one child in this moment. Turn off your phone (or better yet, leave it outside the room), hold your child, rub their back, and connect with one another. Instead of just reading books (which is great so keep doing that too!), you can spice it up by retelling a story from your childhood (kids love that! P: "tell me a story about a time you made a mistake"), a fable, a made up story, or do story stone stories together in which you pull stones with images (or just images or items) out of a basket, line them up in the order pulled out, and create a story together using those images as the key details. Please comment or share any other schedules that have worked in your home, schedule challenges that arise, or any questions or thoughts!
They say boredom is good, but...My kids hang on my legs! They won't leave me alone! It's just chaos! We know that boredom sparks creativity, imagination, & critical thinking skills. We know that Waldorf proponents endorse open ended play. We know that Montessori proponents advocate for longer play periods and pushing through boredom or lulls. Yet, we sit at home and wonder why is it not working for me. What am I missing in all this? What is my kid missing? A kick startMaybe you're making the transition from a life of constant entertainment (TV, all the toys, loads of structured activities) to a life of simplicity and less. Or, maybe your kid is just in a funk today and can't seem to get things going. Here are some ways you can be the catalyst to their play. Your RoleYou have two jobs:
Invitations to create: Process ArtAccording to the Guggenheim, "Process art emphasizes the “process” of making art (rather than any predetermined composition or plan) and the concepts of change and transience," This means, you will be setting up the tools and, maybe, the prompt or limits, but your child will do everything else. You will not care how it looks in the end. Simply focus on the process. In this situation, I gave P a straw, 3 paint colors, and a piece of paper. This lead her on an hour long process which ended with her creating "monster puke" outside. She would ask me things like "what would happen if I poured this color in this color?" and I would say "I wonder what would happen if you mixed that?" Which gave her the permission to mix it without seeking my approval. It certainly ended in a mess at times (then I would say "I wonder how you'll clean that up :)"), but it showed me how creative she can be all on her own.
Invitations to PlaySimilarly, you can be in charge of the tools and the prompt with toys. Sometimes kids just need a new outlook or story to run with in order to get things started because play is hard. It is important work, but it takes practice, skill, and imagination. So we can just give it a little nudge sometimes. Which one looks more enticing?The first one is completely open. There are toys situated below, but it leaves EVERYTHING as an option. That can be overwhelming. It can be daunting. It took me 5 minutes to set up the second scene. I said to P " Oh no! The baby foxes have been separated from their mother and father. Who is going to help them get home? How are they going to get there?" She immediately started pulling out more toys saying "there's the evil trolls on the river! and the magical unicorn will be protecting the secret gem! what if there are other forest creatures ready to help?" She spent 45 minutes helping the foxes get home. Your open ended play tool kit:You don't need to spend $100 on a wood rainbow to have an enticing playroom. Here are some super cheap ideas to start the open ended play in your home.
Final tip: remember from above that presentation matters! Consider an organizer to show all these loose parts in an enticing fashion. Baskets, plastic or paper plates, or clear jars work for displaying too! Put something like this on the table and give them a prompt like:
Please note that this post contains affiliate links and any sales made through such links will reward me a small commission - at no cost for you. For more information, click here.
I love wooden toys! However, they usually come with a hefty price tag, which is why I create a lot of my own toys for my children. Today, I am going to show you how to create your own peg gnomes which are so cute as a part of a larger mythical set or woodland set. Materials
Step Two: The HatWait to glue the hat on the gnome until the end. It makes it easier to add the beard if you don't have a hat to work around. It's also better to complete the beard first so you know how far down to push the hat. Step Three: The Beard
Step Four: The NoseStep five: Add the hat & you're done!Thanks for checking out my post on how to make gnome peg dolls! Tune back in for more crafty posts. Also, feel free to look around the blog for parenting information inspired from my Family Education work.
Please note that this post contains affiliate links and any sales made through such links will reward me a small commission - at no cost for you. For more information, click here. Outdoor baby gear and baby wearing equipment can be very expensive so I recommend searching for products secondhand through thrift shops or online marketplaces. Use the products below as ideas for what to be searching for. While you search through the racks at thrift stores, always check the tags to see what products are made of. Personally, I always grab Keens sandals, merino wool clothes, Patagonia/North Face/LL Bean outerwear, and sorrel boots. I always look in the upper sizes as well and keep a bin for future use at home. Be sure to buy the right sizes for the proper seasons (i.e. if your baby is born in December, your 18 month clothes should be summer) Ideas:
*Please note that this post contains affiliate links and any sales made through such links will reward me a small commission - at no cost for you. For more information, click here. As parents, we can derive some of our parenting styles from the work of early childhood education philosophers like Maria Montessori or Rudolf Steiner. In this post, we will explore how we can incorporate some elements of the Reggio Emilia influence into our homes. Reggio EmiliaReggio Emilia is a town in Italy. After the end of World War II, the city decided to reallocate its funds to enhance the early learning experience. They followed the guidance of psychologist Loris Malaguzzi who drew heavily from the community, geography, and families in his development of this program. This philosophy operates under the notion that early childhood is a vital time to develop distinct personalities and that children speak "one hundred languages." "The Reggio Emilia approach values the belief that children are strong, competent and capable citizens who are full of wonder and curiosity to learn. It believes that children have a natural drive that makes them want to understand and know about the world around them and how this world relates to them. Children are believed to be capable of constructing their own methods of researching and learning using everything from play to a variety of other hands-on-learning experiences." - Bear Park At HomeA Reggio Inspired home would include:
Process Oriented EngagementAs parents, we can be caught up in production. Are they meeting their milestones faster than average? Will my child get into the Gifted & Talented program? Did my child make Instagram-worthy art? A parent who shifts their focus to the process will start to appreciate the journey they are on instead of the end goal. You can do this observing more & practicing process art. In the words of Magda Gerber: "Observe more, do less. Do less, enjoy more." Through observation, you remove your expectations, emotions, hopes, and anxieties and you see your child for who they are. In that process, you might notice how they express frustration verses needing comfort. You'll notice their preferred ways of playing. You'll notice how they engage with others. For more information on observation, check out Janet Lansbury. Additionally, process art is engaging in the experience over the end product. In the words of Meri Cherry: "Process art is about the journey. It is about listening, connecting, empathizing, and wondering. Process art honors the individual in all of us. It values critcal thinking, exploration, thinking outside the box, and the developmental process of each individual" (Play, Make, Create, p.6) As an example, you might set out some materials for arts & crafts in your home. In a traditional art experience, you might set out the materials to create a fox and an example of what the fox looks like with the hopes of your child's looking similar. With process art, you could still frame the work experience with limits and specific materials; however, the priority wouldn't be on making something specific. You might set out some pegs, paint, brushes, twigs, flower petals, and glue and say "let's make animals." Design: The Third Teacher In the Reggio classrooms, the room is considered the third teacher so there is much emphasis in the design of the space. Your space should be considerate of:
DocumentationA Reggio Emilia influenced room would have space to show off the work done by your child through photos of your child engaging in materials or a process art project you set up as well as the actual products (regardless of their instagram-worthiness). Displaying photos of your child engaging helps reinforce your value on the process as well as the natural world. Similarly, displaying your child's products shows you value their expressions and creativity which helps them build a sense of confidence, ownership, and accomplishment. If you enjoy Reggio Emilia, I hope this gives you some good ideas on how to engage the philosophy in your own home.Please note that this post contains affiliate links and any sales made through such links will reward me a small commission - at no cost for you. For more information, click here.
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Emily BarstadMaster's in Family Education Archives
March 2020
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