There are many outside factors that influence the choices we make and how we parent. In our class last week, we looked at some of the societal influences, particularly within the context of gender, that may be influencing our choices, perspective, and well being. The Happiness GapWe examined a graph which represented the happiness levels of people before and after they had children. This study focused on 22 English speaking countries and found that the United States had the largest happiness disparity between non-parents and parents. According to the studies findings, "The negative effects of parenthood on happiness were entirely explained by the presence or absence of social policies allowing parents to better combine paid work with family obligations. And this was true for both mothers and fathers. Countries with better family policy “packages” had no happiness gap between parents and non-parents." As a whole, our class also agreed that our country does little support families, which can lead to a feeling of isolation, financial constraint, and overwhelm. The Mental LoadWe continued our discussion by comparing the societal expectations of men and women in their roles as parents. This was the list our class generated: MEN/FATHERS
WOMEN/MOTHERS
Both men and women carry heavy pressures to perform and succeed in our country. In our class and based off the lists we created, we spent time thinking about which parent carries the majority of the mental load. The mental load is the need to remember: the baby just moved to size 3-6 month, we need to schedule the kid's doctor appointment, we ran out of mustard, we need to get groceries, we need to eat dinner, the laundry needs to be done and put away, the cat ran out of food, my partner needs snacks for their trip, we're hosting our friends next week... etc. The work of remembering is often held by women or the stay-at-home parent, and it takes a lot of conversation about roles and expectations to ensure the mental load feels evenly distributed between providers. The mental load was amazingly captured in this cartoon if you're looking to learn more about it. Maternal GatekeepingWhile women often carrying the responsibility of the mental load, it comes at little surprise they begin to feel defensive and protective of their duties, their "work." According to research performed at Ohio State University, "Children and families benefit when fathers are more involved in childrearing. However, even as fathers have increased their involvement in childrearing over time, fathers’ involvement remains much lower than mothers’, especially when children are very young. One possible explanation for this childrearing gap is maternal gatekeeping – maternal behaviors and attitudes that may support or limit father involvement in childrearing" You may be gatekeeping if you catch yourself saying things like
A Challenge for You
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Emily BarstadParent Educator Archives
March 2020
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